The soul I've been looking for
by hazelheart93
Summary: Set after 3x15, Elena is suffering from nightmares ever since Elijah had left. Elijah still feels guilty for what he has done to protect his family. Will they find a way to comfort each other? Including flashbacks to Elijah's years as a human, with special appearances of Klaus, Rebekah, Kol, Finn, Hendrick and Tatia. And of course Lemons.


**Hey guys, I don't know where this idea came from, I just wanted to write a new chapter for School Boy, but was in need for some Eleijah romance.. so I opened a new document and started writing and now a few hours later I am posting it, without looking though it again. I don't know if it even makes that much sense, I was missing Elijah and yeah..**

**So, just tell me, if you like it, if it actually makes any sense or if it was a complete waste of time..**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries.**

* * *

She was standing in her room, all alone. It was almost midnight and she was desperately trying to keep herself awake. She knew, if she went to bed it would just get worse. She would see everyone that had died in front of her eyes and she would see _him_, his eyes dark as he found out she had betrayed him. She would wake up crying and no one would be there to make her stop.

Stefan and Damon weren't helping anymore, ever since he had left, no one could help her. She was lost without him and she knew, she would never see him again. It was hard to see his family everyday, to know that they would see him again but she wouldn't. Never. The only thing that he had left her was the letter. The letter in which he said _always & forever. _It wasn't just an apology, it was a goodbye. The letter was the only thing that kept her from losing her mind completely.

She couldn't eat or think without hearing his voice in her head, asking her to tell her what his mother had wanted. She knew she had lost him forever and it wrecked her. She hadn't even known that she had those feelings for him until he was gone. All she wanted was to see him. She sighed and walked over to her dresser, where she had left the letter last night. She closed her eyes and pressed it onto her chest, took a deep breath and put it back. Then she turned on her nightlight and crawled under the heavy covers of her bed.

* * *

It was dark outside, the street was silent and in only a few windows were still lights. He was standing in the shadows, watching one particular window. Her nightlight was still turned on, enlightening her room, giving him insight to the mirror above the dresser. Even from this distance he could clearly see the photos of her and her loved ones.

But it was the sound of her uneven and shallow breaths captivated him. She was asleep and he knew she was having a nightmare. Her heart was beating frantically and she was tossing and turning around for the last ten minutes that he was standing there. He couldn't bring himself to wake her up, no, he couldn't bring himself to enter her house and face her.

After everything he had done, he had sworn to himself, that this girl would never see him again, that he would never harm her again. He had left, but he couldn't stay away. He wanted to make sure that she was safe, that she was fine. But now that he could hear her pain, he couldn't leave again. He knew that this was partly his fault.

Suddenly he heard her gasp loudly and a movement. She must have waken up. He heard a few sobs and the covers of her bed being pushed aside. He found himself wishing that she would walk over to the mirror or the window, so he could see her. He listened to her bare feet touching the floor and her body lifting itself from the bed.

When she took her first steps, he held his breath. And after a few moments, he could see her. She was standing in front of the mirror and her petite hands were grasping a sheet of paper. He squinted and his heart beat picked up. No, it couldn't be, could it? He could see his own handwriting, his letter, his apology. To her. She was crying softly now and put the letter back to it's former place. When she looked into the mirror, a shot of pain went through his heart. It was worse that being daggered by her, or anyone else.

Her face was pale and gaunt, her doe eyes were darker that usual, looking hopeless and pained. He could see her collarbones, since she had lost a lot of weight, she looked ill. He couldn't stop himself and in a flash he was standing in her room.

When she saw him, she gasped. It took her a moment to fully comprehend what was happening, but then her eyes lit up. "Elijah." She breathed in a hoarse voice.

"Elena." He whispered as he approached her. "What happened to you?"

Her face fell and she looked down to the floor. "You left." She said so lowly, that he wouldn't have heard it, if he hadn't been a vampire.

"I had to." He said, when he came to a stop in front of her. He was close enough to touch her, but he willed himself not to. The urge to stroke her cheek or embrace her was so strong, but he had always been the master of his urges.

"No" He heard her sob and he let all of his control slip away. He brought his hand up and rested it on her shoulder. She looked up in surprise.

"I am sorry." He said, looking straight into her eyes, which were filled once again with tears. She shook her head. "You're not."

Elijah sighed. With her eighteen years, she already knew him better than anyone else. "But why are you back? I thought I would never see you again."

She said carefully.

"I thought so, too." Elijah replied honestly. "But when I heard you tonight, I couldn't leave.." He explained.

She looked up at him, meeting his dark brown eyes with her own. "Then don't."

It was a plead. She was begging him not to leave her again.

"Elena, I..-"

A tear traveled down her cheek, while she spoke up, "At least for the night. Don't leave me alone." The hand that was on her shoulder had found it's way to her face and was brushing the tear away, gently. "Please." She said and he nodded. A ghost of a smile swiped across her face, but it was gone as fast as it came.

"What were you dreaming about?" Elijah asked her fearfully, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself, if he was involved.

Elena took a deep breath. "I.. It's not only one thing. I see my parents, the accident. The sacrifice and Jenna. And I see every one that has ever died in front of me." She added quietly.

Memories of vampires flashed in front of Elijah's eyes. He had ripped out the hearts in front of her and of course Trevor. He closed his eyes. "I am sorry."

"No." Elena said softly. "Don't be. It's not you." And he could hear her unspoken words, _It's your brother._

"I want to sleep." She said, looking straight into his eyes. "Will you help me to fall asleep." He nodded, but didn't really understand what she wanted. "Give me a dream." She said.

They walked over to the bed and she curled up into his chest. He never wanted to let her go, it felt so good to hold her. "What would you like to see?" He whispered into her hair.

"Show me, what you told me that day." She said and Elijah knew immediately what she meant.

He closed his eyes and rested his chin on the top of her head. His hands were stroking her back gently and she fell asleep quickly. He concentrated to conjure the memories from so long ago. And after a few minutes he too was inside of the dream.

* * *

_The sun was shining brightly down onto the fields around their village, he and his siblings were running around in the fields and Rebekah's laugh filled the summer air, as she ran away from Elijah, who was chasing her. There were wild flowers everywhere and Niklaus and Kol were holding Hendrick down so that Finn could tickle him. When Elijah had finally caught his little sister, they ran back to their other brothers and sit down next to them. Of course Kol let go of Hendrick immediately and lunched forward to pin Rebekah down. She shrieked and started to giggle uncontrollably while Kol tickled her. Elijah watched them in amusement but was distracted when Niklaus grabbed him from the back and pulled him down. "Your turn, Elijah." He said, grinning down at him and in the next moment all of his younger siblings were holding him down and attacking him. They were all laughing and after a while they all lay down on their backs and watched the clouds panting heavily._

* * *

_The scenery changed and suddenly everything was covered in snow. Most of it was still untouched, since it was early in the morning and the sun had barely risen. Hendrick was forming snowballs with his bare hands and throwing them against Niklaus' head. Of course when Niklaus and Hendrick started to attack each other, they were quickly joined by their other siblings and Elijah tried to make sure that Rebekah was careful and didn't hurt herself in the heat of the moment. When the snowballs weren't enough anymore Finn and Hendrick tackled Niklaus down and rolled him around in the snow. Rebekah was cheering on the side until Kol had grabbed her and they both were lying in the snow too. "Join us, Elijah." Rebekah pouted at him and Elijah did as he was told._

* * *

_The scene changed again, this time, it was spring. The flowers were blossoming and Elijah and Rebekah were sitting alone in a field, they were knee to knee and Elijah was holding his little sisters hands. "I don't know what to do, Elijah." She sobbed and he drew calming circles on the back of her hand. "I don't want to be with him, but father doesn't listen." Elijah shook his head. "Don't you worry, little sister. We will find a way to stop father. You will not marry a man that you don't love." Rebekah looked up, her eyes full of hope and her face covered in tears. "Thank you, brother." He embraced her and patted her back, while she cried into his chest. "What is going on?" A voice asked, making both of them jump. It was Niklaus, who had spoken and he wasn't alone. Finn, Kol and Hendrick were there too. They sat down around them and Kol brushed the tears from his sisters cheek. "Who did this?" He growled. Rebekah smiled weakly at him. "Father." Niklaus sighed. "Don't cry, Bekah. We will find a way. You have all of us. We won't let father decide all alone." He flashed her an wicked grin. "Even if we have to kill that man he wants you to marry." Finn said and all of his brothers nodded. Rebekah laughed lowly and hugged all of them. "Thank you."_

* * *

_Rebekah was running around in a long dress and was laughing as she spread her arms and turned in circles. Her brothers were watching her, all of them smiling. "Finally." Finn said and looked at Elijah, who was nodding. Rebekah came to a stop in front of them and flashed all of them with her biggest smile. "Thank you, brothers. Thank you." She said and grabbed both Finn's and Elijah's hand. "You don't have to thank us, sister. Did you think we would let him do as he pleases with you?" Rebekah shook her head and embraced both of them at the same time. When she let them go, she ran away and let herself fall into a flowerbed. Her blonde her was spread all around her face and she looked so happy. She looked up and pouted. "Join me, brothers."_

* * *

_The scene changed and this time the girl on the flowerbed wasn't Rebekah, it was a dark haired beauty, who was picking flowers and humming softly to herself. Elijah watched her from a distance. Her brown hair fell in soft locks down to her waist and she was wearing a long white dress, making her look like and angel. Elijah took a deep breath and stepped forward. "Elijah." She breathed and a wonderful smile crossed her lips. "Tatia." He breathed and walked up to her. When he reached her, she looked up at him and Elijah could swear that he could see stars in her dark brown doe eyes. "I was waiting for you." She said and patted on the grass next to her. "Niklaus held me up." Elijah said while he sat down next to her. "I've missed you." Tatia said and let her head rest on his shoulders. "I've missed you too." Elijah replied and held her close with both of his arms. She looked up at him and smiled slightly. He looked down at her and their faces were so close that he could feel her warm breath on his face. "I love you, Elijah." She said before they locked their lips._

* * *

_Elijah was walking back and forth in front of the rock formation and mumbling things like 'You need to decide', 'I love you', 'Is it him or me' and 'You have to make a decision', when he was interrupted by light footsteps approaching him. "Elijah!" Tatia shrieked and ran over to him. By the sight of her all the plans of confronting her were forgotten and he opened his arms to catch her. She jumped into his arms and he swirled her around, while she laughed. "Elijah." She breathed as he let her down again. "Tatia, I..-" But she silenced him with a passionate kiss. He didn't stop her, his hands embraced her waist and pulled her closer as she grabbed him by the back of his neck. They kissed furiously and fell to the ground, Elijah's back pressed against the damp grass and Tatia on top of him. They broke their kiss and Tatia's lips trailed down his jaw and neck. "I love you." Elijah said breathlessly and took in the scent of her hair, which was covering both of their faces. Tatia brought her lips back to his and they kissed again. This time the kiss was slow and Elijah's hands trailed up and down her sides and hers found their way under his vest. Her soft touch made Elijah gasp and he deepened the kiss again. They lost themselves into each others touch until they felt the thick raindrops pour down on them. Tatia giggled from deep in her throat and Elijah picked her up. He carried her into the caves and sat down with his back against a wall and Tatia in his lap. She turned around to face him and smiled sweetly at him. He sighed deeply. "Tatia, we have to talk." But she shook her head. "Elijah, I love you. I don't love Niklaus, I love you." And then she kissed him again, this time her hands didn't wander around, this time they tried to undress the man she was kissing. "Tatia." Elijah breathed as he realized what her intentions were. "I want this, Elijah." She hissed and took off his vest. "Are you sure?" When she kissed his chest, he let his head fall back against the wall and moaned lowly. "I have never been surer about anything else, my love." He smiled while her hands grasped his chest and his hands were on the back of her dress in an instant and he was untying the laces. Her lips trailed up and down his torso and when he was finally done with her dress, he looked down at her and took it off slowly. "Elijah." She pouted, but he kissed her quickly. "I want to enjoy this. I want you to enjoy this." He said as he kissed her neck. "I am." Tatia sighed and helped him to slide the dress down her chest. Elijah kissed down her neck, her shoulder and down to her breasts. She moaned softly into his ear as his hands pulled the dress further down. She leaned back and he used the opportunity to turn them around. Tatia was now lying on with her back on the floor and Elijah was on top of her. He slid the dress down her legs while she tucked playfully on his hair. When she was fully undressed, he came slowly back up, kissing her legs, her belly and her stomach on his way back. When their lips were locked again, Tatia untied the belt on Elijah's trousers and pulled them down. "Hmm." Elijah moaned into her mouth and Tatia bit his lower lip. Elijah placed himself between her legs and she threw her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. He gave her one last look and waited for her to nod, then he slid into her slowly. Both of them gasped and Elijah stayed still, when he was fully inside of her. Her eyes were closed, while she waited for him to start. His hands were next to her head, stabilizing him and he looked longingly at her, taking in her angle like appearance, her hair was spread all around her face, her eyes closed and her lips parted. He couldn't take it anymore and he started moving inside of her. First he was slow, cautious even, but then he picked up speed and after a few minutes both of them were panting heavily and moaning each others names. Her tiny hands were intwined in his hair and her long legs were pulling him closer to her. It felt like hours to him and he never ever wanted it to stop but he could felt her tightening around him and he knew she was close, as was he. He picked up his speed and was met by her with each thrust. She was moaning loudly at this point. The echoes of her screams came back from the walls, filling his ears. All he could hear was her screaming his name. He buried his face into the crook of her neck and felt her body tremble under him. When she came, she let out a loud moan that sent him over the edge along with her and he panted heavily as he tried not to let himself fall on top of her. When he finally slit out of her, he rolled to the side and pulled her into his chest. "I love you, Elijah." She whispered and kissed his chest, before sighing and closing her eyes._

* * *

Elena opened her eyes, still panting and felt Elijah's firm arms around her body. Her head was still on his chest and she saw that he was panting, too. To her surprise Elijah was asleep. She brushed the sweat that had formed on her forehead away and tried to get out of Elijah's grip. The images of him kissing her and being inside of her were still in front of her eyes. But when she couldn't move his arms away from her, she took a deep breath and sighed. The dream had been so real. She rolled her eyes at herself, of course it had been real, she just had a front row seat in Elijah's and Tatia's first sexual encounter. She couldn't help but envy her for the loving look that he had given her. Of course she had seen everything though her eyes and had enjoyed everything, but it was still painful to know that he had loved her that much, while he had left Elena.

Elijah stirred under her and she held her breath. When he had opened his eyes and saw her, he gasped and let go of her immediately. "Oh, no. Elena I am so sorry. I must have fallen asleep." He stammered, while he tried to win his usual composure back. Elena tried to smile at him, but failed. "Don't worry. It's ok." Elijah frowned at her, taking in her appearance. "When did you wake up? I mean after which..-" He didn't finish his sentence and Elena bit down on her lower lip. "The cave." She said not meeting his eyes. "You saw it?" He asked. "I.." She looked up and met his eyes. "I was her." She whispered and Elijah's eyes widened. "Oh."

"You really did love her, didn't you?" She asked, looking down at her blanket. "I did." Elijah confessed. "Or I thought I did." Elena frowned at the blanket and Elijah continued, "She told me that she choose me." He took a deep breath. "She told Niklaus the same." Now it was Elena's turn to say "Oh"

"I caught them kissing a few days after. After that I was ready to give her up, but she wasn't. She played us. Both of us and by the time my mother took her it was more of an obsession. I did think that what I felt for her was love, but now I know better." He grasped Elena's chin gently, bringing her face up, so that they were face to face. "She was never the woman I loved. She was beautiful, yes. But no, she wasn't right for me." Elena frowned, when she saw the look in his eyes. His eyes were darker than usual, but there was a light in them that made them almost sparkle. It was that look.

Elena gulped. "And Kathrine?" Elijah smiled slightly at that. "She looked like her and she was innocent, I thought she was different. But she wasn't. Elena, Tatia and Katerina weren't the only women, I was with." Elena smiled. "I never said that." But then her face turned sad. "But you loved them." He shook his head. "No, I desired them. I was obsessed with them. But what I really wanted was a woman that shared my understanding of the world, that had the same beliefs as me." He looked her straight into the eyes and Elena's mouth fell open. "Elijah." She breathed. "In over a thousand years, I have never met a woman, that understood me the way you do." He brought his other hand up and cupped her face. "Elena, you are the soul I've been looking for. And I am so sorry for everything me or my family did to you." He leaned in and brushed her forehead with his lips, making her heart stop for a second.

He looked down at her. "I know, that I don't deserve a woman that is so pure and selfless, but I promise you, Elena, I will make sure that no one will ever hurt you." Elena took in a deep breath. "I love you." She whispered and his eyes widened. "Don't tell me that you don't deserve me, I have never seen a man like you." She said as she closed the distance between their lips. "Elena" He hissed before she kissed him. When they broke their kiss, Elena smiled up at him. "Please don't ever leave me again."

"I give you my word." He said and they locked their lips once again.

* * *

**So? What do you think? Please leave a review, I would really love to know, if you liked this story.**

**xo hazel**


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